


Fangz Very Much

by birds89birds



Series: Shitty vs Cinema [3]
Category: Check Please! (Webcomic)
Genre: Again, Anyways, I SUFFERED, Multi, and you're welcome, enjoy, i read part of my immortal for this, i'm always practicing, it's only rated mature bc there are direct quotes from My Immortal, tagging is short bc i need to go practice, you're very welcome
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-03-31
Updated: 2020-03-31
Packaged: 2021-02-28 23:48:09
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,055
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23415544
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/birds89birds/pseuds/birds89birds
Summary: Shitty is dared to read the first five or six chapters of My Immortal. not really cinema but it's pretty hilarious.
Relationships: Eric "Bitty" Bittle/Jack Zimmermann, Larissa "Lardo" Duan & Shitty Knight, Shitty Knight & Jack Zimmermann
Series: Shitty vs Cinema [3]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1648816
Comments: 2
Kudos: 47
Collections: OMGCP Hockey But Fashion Discord





	Fangz Very Much

**Author's Note:**

  * For [gingerlegend](https://archiveofourown.org/users/gingerlegend/gifts).



> Half of Shitty's texts are actually mine or modified versions of my reactions. I was texting my best friend, who is mainly quoted by Lardo and Jack. The rest I just kinda Came Up With.
> 
> this is mainly from lardo's phone  
> Shitstain-Shitty  
> Oscar the Grouch-Holster  
> Kitteg-Ransom  
> Bitcherito-Bitty  
> Secretly Gritty-Jack

**Shitty Vs My Immortal, A Tale**

_Shitstain_

>the first thing i see for this is fucking   
headlines what the fuck am i getting   
myself into

>isjdfjdksksj yeah

_Oscar the Grouch_

>Godspeed to you bro

_Kitteg_

>godspeed.

_Bitcherito_

>Godspeed to you Shitty.

_Secretly Gritty_

>What’s happening?

>Wait.

_Oscar the Grouch_

>Shitty’s reading My Immortal

_Secretly Gritty_

>Oh my god.

>My Immortal?

>jack zimmermann???? knowing   
something from after 1980???????   
that isn't hockey??????

_Secretly Gritty_

>How old was I in 2006?

_Bitcherito_

>15 or 16?

_Kitteg_

>oh.

_Oscar the Grouch_

>Oh my god

_Secretly Gritty_

>Kent used to do dramatic readings on   
the bus.

_Shitstain_

>i’m having to read this off the wiki omg

>"Hi my name is Ebony Dark’ness   
Dementia Raven Way and I have long   
ebony black hair (that’s how I got my   
name) with purple streaks and red   
tips that reaches my mid-back and icy   
blue eyes like limpid tears" HOLY SHIT

>I AM IN TEARS AND THIS IS THE FIRST  
LINE

>YEP

_Shitstain_

>NO ONE INTRODUCES THEMSELVES  
LIKE THAT

>MY IMMORTAL DOES

_Secretly Gritty_

>That’s one of the most coherent,  
grammatically correct sentences in   
the entire work.

>uve set urself up for some Real Fun

_Bitcherito_

>Who knew Jack Zimmermann knew what  
My Immortal was and could tell you how it  
is.

_Secretly Gritty_

>It was a part of Kent’s pregame.

>I didn't like it at first, now it’s just hilarious.

_Shitstain_

>THIS???

>GOD WHAT HAVE I DONE TO MYSELF

>Amy Lee (AN: if u don’t know who she   
is get da hell out of here!)

>GOD EVERYTHING ABOUT THIS IS  
AWFUL

_Secretly Gritty_

>Yup.

>It gets way worse.

_Shitstain_

>god please just fucking end me

>this is where i die

>my condolences

_Oscar the Grouch_

>I’ll go to your funeral

_Shitstain_

>also if you want to post screenshots   
and/or quotes of my death to twitter   
please let the evidence of my murder   
be seen by many

_Bitcherito_

>Understood.

**Eric Bittle** @omgcheckplease

Shitty is reading My Immortal and he isn't doing too well y'all.

_Twitter from iPhone_

**Eric Bittle** @omgcheckplease

He’s on chapter one right now, his goal is to read five. Wish him luck.

_Twitter from iPhone_

**Eric Bittle** @omgcheckplease

I’m going to also mention that Jack Zimmermann knows what My Immortal is and has read it.

_Twitter from iPhone_

_POV SWAPS TO BITTY TEMPORARILY_

**Jack**

>Bud. Bits. Bitty. Bittle. Kent read it out  
loud to me as a pregame. I do not know   
about it consensually.

>Omg

>Please quote that for your twitter.

>Don’t do this to me man.

>My teammates would never let me live  
this down.

>Jack Laurent Zimmermann did you  
just “man” your boyfriend?

>It was the heat of the moment.

**Eric Bittle** @omgcheckplease

“Bitty. Bittle. Kent read it out loud to me as a pregame. I do not know about it consensually. Please quote that for your twitter.”-Jack Zimmermann

_Twitter from iPhone_

**Eric Bittle** @omgcheckplease

“Don’t do this to me man.” Ah yes, such eloquence. 

_Twitter from iPhone_

_BACK TO LARDO_

**Shitty Vs My Immortal, A Tale**

_Bitcherito_

>Jack just man’d me.

>hes a hockey bro

_Bitcherito_

>Yes but I am his BOYFRIEND.

_Secretly Gritty_

>Haha.

>bold of you to assume you’re exempt

_Bitcherito_

>-_-

_Shitstain_

>SHE HAS HOT PINK VELVET IN HER  
COFFIN

>FASHION ICON

_Shitstain_

>i'm barely on the second chapter and i   
am suffering

>WHAT THE FUCK IS A MCR

_Kitteg_

>MY CHEMICAL ROMANCE

_Shitstain_

>OH

>THAT'S NOT HOW IT WORKS

>PLEASE JUST

>END ME

_Oscar the Grouch_

>I’m just watching at this point

_Kitteg_

>same.

_Shitstain_

>omg 2007 misspelling everything

>please god give me strength

>i am not religious but sometimes i   
wish i was

_Secretly Gritty_

>Haha.

_Shitstain_

>but at the same time

>no god would allow this

>god has abandoned us all and we live   
festering in its corpse

_Shitstain_

>"STOP FLAMMING DA STORY PREPZ   
OK!"

>I AM CACKLING

>FUCKING CHRIST

>ASS

>MOTHERFUCKER

>HOLY SHIT

_Secretly Gritty_

>Did you get to the I was feeling   
depressed part?

_Shitstain_

>YES

>"I felt a little depressed then, so I slit   
one of my wrists. I read a depressing   
book while I waited for it to stop   
bleeding"

_Kitteg_

>OGH.

_Holster_

>HA

_Secretly Gritty_

>Haha. Yeah.

>when ur a little depressed so u slit ur   
wrists

_Shitstain_

>omg

>i can’t

>i really can’t

_Secretly Gritty_

>Stay strong brother.

_Shitstain_

>no joke is worth this much pain and  
suffering

>how long is this?

_Secretly Gritty_

>40 chapters

_Shitstain_

>"We both smoked cigarettes and   
drugs."

>ah yes i smoke cigarettes and drugs   
too i am a cool kid

>yes me too

>many drugs

_Shitstain_

>OH MY GOD

>PLEASE

>END MY SUFFERING

>ok i'm on chapter 4 now so i just went to   
chapter three in a fever dream

_Secretly Gritty_

>Haha.

_Shitstain_

>the author’s notes are  
incomprehensible

_Secretly Gritty_

>Haha. Yeah.

_Shitstain_

>”Draco leaned in extra-close and I  
looked into his gothic red eyes (he  
was wearing color contacts) which  
revealed so much depressing sorrow  
and evilness and then suddenly I  
didn’t feel mad anymore.”

>oh my god please end my suffering

>I AM WHEEEEEEZING

>OMG

>SEX SCENE OW OWWWWWW

_Secretly Gritty_

>I’ve blocked that out haha.

_Shitstain_

>“He took of my top and I took of his  
clothes. I even took of my bra. Then  
he put his thingie in my you-know-  
what and we did it for the first time”

>CACKLING

>I AM DECEASED

>HOLY FUCKING SHIT

_Secretly Gritty_

>Yep.

_Shitstain_

>OH MY GOD DUMBLEDORE WALKED  
IN ON THEM

>akkdnfnjssjdjjsjs

_Shitstain_

>well how much can you walk in in a  
forest 

>this feels like that one fever dream i  
had where i was literally an ice rink  
but there’s sex involved

_Bitcherito_

>I have the popcorn.

_Shitstain_

>“im nut updating umtil I get five good  
revoiws!” we’re so proud of a girl who  
lets what she wants be known

>“I started to cry tears of blood down  
my pallid face.”

_Kitteg_

>pallid.

_Shitstain_

>“THEY WERE HAVING SEXUAL  
INTERCOURSE IN THE FORBIDDEN   
FOREST” I AM WHEEZING

>OMG

>What the fuck

>what the fuck

>what the actual fuck

_Secretly Gritty_

>Where are you at?

_Shitstain_

>i just finished chapter 5

>the part where dumbledore brings  
them to snape and mgonagall

>or however the fuck you spell it

>that is enough for me

>SHIT I HAVE HOMEWORK

_Secretly Gritty_

>Haha.

>Do that.

_Shitstain_

>aye aye captain

**Author's Note:**

> I'm so sorry. this was ginger's idea tho.


End file.
